boy number one.

it was the end of eighth grade
coming in from gym class
i remember it was a hot day in may
i was still wearing the black uniform shorts
you were walking behind me in line
snaked your hands up the back of my thighs
as your friends laughed along
at my bright red cheeks
my shaky voice telling you off
and i got to wear teary eyes to the last class of the day
i wasn’t the only girl
and four years later you’re still doing it
my mom told me
that’s what boys do when they like you
and that’s why i never told her
about any of the other boys

boy number two.

i was barely fourteen years old
and it was just you and me
and your ***** (laced?) ****
you told me to hit it
again and again
there i was
twitching in your backseat
your hands on my convulsing thighs
i took the marks home
where you ripped my shirt off
you told me they’d go away
i still have the memories
they are the same each time i relive them
i trusted you

boy number three.

it is safe to say i loved you
for a long while
even after all you put me through
i now understand
coercion does not equal consent
you’d beg me
and i would say no
you made me feel so guilty
but you’d always kiss me right after
(that doesn’t make it okay)
i wish that i had a bigger backbone
and said no
when you asked to come over last month
you said you’ve changed
but you haven’t
and your new girlfriend doesn’t seem to mind
(i don’t forgive you anymore)

boy number four.

every time i would say no
you would laugh
and keep going
just because i said yes once
does not mean yes every time
im glad i called it quits with you
and i will do the same
to any other person
who does anything like you