Been thinking about it all
what does it mean and how it fits
in my map
maybe too much

I am like a matrioshka
a box
you gotta reach my core
I gotta do it too

Sometimes ***** others rotten away
With no kind of sense
(That's my aim!)
Because in the end it all fits

Why do I give myself away
to no one in the end? Dying so unaware
Lose my golden thread
that leads me to such a good place?

I think I liked him, like I could like anyone else!
And in the everyday charm, I fell for
And I lose my vital spark, for living life
what a paradox! what a strife!
I slipped once, not twice

So unsure! I drive to my destination
So lost, I find my direction
Why do I cling to men, instead of clinging
to myself
so I can really then turn to them

where is the lever I pulled wrong
where are my notes, where is the antidote?
No time for panicking anymore -

The wounds and the disease didn't leave
It will chase me till I face the demon clear
Maybe all I need is time - to heal
Maybe there is something wrong I need to steer
The answer won't be spoken or said, but found
Where am I now?