1.5.

If only
you knew
how many laps
it would take
to make my
escape
Lost in my
minds maze
I was trapped
in dark days
Lost in
countless
ways

Time after
time
Do you know
how many
times
I have died
while alive?
   
It's not easy
having this
beautiful mind

To see nothing
but beauty
in deranged
miracles

They luminate
through my eyes

To outsmart
my own
Devil
I beat me
at my own
game
Now I wear
this ******
crown
Watching myself
I go down
on my
knees
Hear how I  
sing my own
praises
Loving myself
as I embrace
my wicked
ways

Backwards I lit
my morning
cigarette
Filter for my
silent mouth
Watch how it
ignites
Spewing toxic
blue flames
straight out of
Hell

Still I’ll inhale

Ill be the first
to admit
I've done some
pretty
****** up ****

All that time
wasted
Incarcerated
Intoxicated
Drugged out
Seduced
Body ******
Bruised and Broken
Over and over
Praying for the
day
it or I
would end
Still can’t recall
all the nights
turned to days
turned to weeks
no sleep on repeat
Stealing and Dealing
Forget to keep
dreaming

Yet here I am
Still standing
Still inhailing
my *******
cigarette

My only regret
Was falling in
love
with the right
man
After he was
gone

Only thing left
Date
Year
Numbers finalizing
Timing his final
breath

Now The Ashes
are everywhere
The only truth
in love

My cigarettes death

1.6.

Radio playing
Times
Timeless hit-list

If I could turn
back
my all-time
regret

Was in a moment
No sooner
or later
no matter
where
everything and
everyone
I asked
impossible questions

Why me?
What happened?
Or didn't
After we had
met

In a restricted
hall
We tried so
hard
To not be so
late
The clock kept
trying to tell
me
Yet I blamed it
For believing my
lies
I was blind from
not hearing
the warning
from time
In how we would
both become
prisoners
Forced to stare
back at
crumbling walls

Counting every
**** day
Watching every
**** tick
Fabrication
of possible
ways

My lists on
lists turned to
regret after
regret
The only truth
in love

My cigarettes death

How I would
wish for words
so I could
pray
I can't say
Make me forget
No I never
I won't
I don't even
smoke
Why did I
ask

“So what’s your name”

The look you
would give me
while giving
to you
In you I had
my first regret
That would lead
to you
lightning me up
that last cigarette

Now the last
thing
my only thing
left
I’m smoking all
alone
Won’t be hearing
you say my name
anymore

But I won’t ever
regret
how you had... that crave
and because of
me
You could get
a spark off
a dead lighter
Trick is
you gotta put
two dead ones
together

***
Death
Celebration
Stress

Always you'll see
me smoking

I need you
not these
stale ashes
So tell me
again
just how bad
you need
another
******* cigarette