It was very kind of you to ask how I am holding up all things considered...

The short answer is that I am okay.

I do not hunger nor do I have thirst... I am warm...and other than the usual aches and discomfort that we all experience I am not in pain...

I have been okay for a very long time it's kind of my way of knowing that I am in that sweet spot of homeostasis I think that's why I ended up leaving because I couldn't remember  being anything other than simply okay...

I don't think I want to be okay...

You remember those adventures we used to have together and you'd always have these crazy ideas that you just needed to hash out...

And I was always there...

In part because I wanted to make sure you were okay but I think a much bigger part of me enjoyed those days so much more because while you were out there living life and occasionally getting hurt but loving every minute of it...

And I felt like part of it...

We kind of grew apart...

The adventures stopped...

And I guess we grew up a little somewhere in that time as well...

Became our own people...

And that was necessary...
    
And the process went okay...
          
And I turned out okay...

I made new friends and they became happy and I tried to be happy and I started dating again and I thought I had it figured out this time but I was just okay with a smile. and then I was looking at her smile and she was happy because of my smile but I wasn't happy...

I was just okay...

But she was happy as far as I could tell and I wanted to protect her happiness because I wanted her to be happy so I kept smiling... and I felt like a liar every time but the truth seemed so wrong... all that mattered was that she was happy

I wanted nothing more than for her to remain happy...

And then I didn't...

And then I left...

So yeah the short answer is that I'm okay...but that ain't the whole story...