It was very kind of you to ask how I am holding up all things considered...
The short answer is that I am okay.
I do not hunger nor do I have thirst... I am warm...and other than the usual aches and discomfort that we all experience I am not in pain...
I have been okay for a very long time it's kind of my way of knowing that I am in that sweet spot of homeostasis I think that's why I ended up leaving because I couldn't remember being anything other than simply okay...
I don't think I want to be okay...
You remember those adventures we used to have together and you'd always have these crazy ideas that you just needed to hash out...
And I was always there...
In part because I wanted to make sure you were okay but I think a much bigger part of me enjoyed those days so much more because while you were out there living life and occasionally getting hurt but loving every minute of it...
And I felt like part of it...
We kind of grew apart...
The adventures stopped...
And I guess we grew up a little somewhere in that time as well...
Became our own people...
And that was necessary...
And the process went okay...
And I turned out okay...
I made new friends and they became happy and I tried to be happy and I started dating again and I thought I had it figured out this time but I was just okay with a smile. and then I was looking at her smile and she was happy because of my smile but I wasn't happy...
I was just okay...
But she was happy as far as I could tell and I wanted to protect her happiness because I wanted her to be happy so I kept smiling... and I felt like a liar every time but the truth seemed so wrong... all that mattered was that she was happy
I wanted nothing more than for her to remain happy...
And then I didn't...
And then I left...
So yeah the short answer is that I'm okay...but that ain't the whole story...