Jun 2019
I’m scared to write poetry at school
Because the other kids might look at my computer screen while I type
And see the thoughts on my screen in size 12 Times New Roman font
Because one day I may drop my journal
Just for some lackluster football player to pick it up and see
My heart poured onto the pages
In lines and phrases
And see my name and phone number at the top of the page
And realize who I am and what I’m hiding
I’m scared of writing poetry at home
Because my mother may walk in and see me staring
As if my one redeeming quality lies hidden in the cracks and lines of the plaster of my wall
Because my father may see me scribbling on a notebook page at the dinner table
With glazed eyes holding back tears of the pain
And the stories I’ve kept from him to make sure
That one day when I leave his house I will still be his baby girl
The same one he brought into this world
Because one day my older brother may walk up to me on the living room couch
When no one else is home and ask me what I’m doing
As I reply
Homework
And as he walks away he may see me slam my computer in a frustrated rage
That he never thought I could have at my age
I’m scared to write poetry in the library
Because the vicious clacking of my keyboard keys may attract the attention
Of the lonely librarian who just wants to keep the peace of her quite place
Because when she goes home to her family her loud grandchildren scream with all their might
But she still puts up with it because the only time she sees them
Is when her ungrateful children need a babysitter
And her husband asks her what’s for dinner over and over forgetting the answer
As she expects a different question to arise from his lips.
Because one day at the library someone might ask about the tears running down my face
As I type and pour my soul into each and every word
As I stain my notebook with the salty water seeping from deep within
I’m scared of writing poetry
Because one day when I’m not looking
Someone will look at my screen and read what I have to say
Or someone will look at my notebook and see the different colored scribbles and soggy pages
Because they will read what I think what I know and what I believe
Because them knowing what’s going on in my head
Means that they can judge me
And take guesses at who I am when the darkness creeps back into my heart
And the fog rolls over my brain
Because they won’t just think they will know what’s happened to me
Because one day I will be dead and my children and grandchildren
will see what I was going through at their age
They will learn of my mistakes and hidden flaws they
And they will see what I have to say
And they will think differently of me
I’m afraid to write poetry
But that doesn't mean I will stop
Because the thoughts in my head only come out clearly when in the lines of a poem
Because expressing what I’m thinking and letting the voices out of my head
Is the only way I can understand how I feel
Because of my anger and happiness and sadness
Because I love it
Because the other kids might look at my computer screen while I type
And see the thoughts on my screen in size 12 Times New Roman font
Because one day I may drop my journal
Just for some lackluster football player to pick it up and see
My heart poured onto the pages
In lines and phrases
And see my name and phone number at the top of the page
And realize who I am and what I’m hiding
I’m scared of writing poetry at home
Because my mother may walk in and see me staring
As if my one redeeming quality lies hidden in the cracks and lines of the plaster of my wall
Because my father may see me scribbling on a notebook page at the dinner table
With glazed eyes holding back tears of the pain
And the stories I’ve kept from him to make sure
That one day when I leave his house I will still be his baby girl
The same one he brought into this world
Because one day my older brother may walk up to me on the living room couch
When no one else is home and ask me what I’m doing
As I reply
Homework
And as he walks away he may see me slam my computer in a frustrated rage
That he never thought I could have at my age
I’m scared to write poetry in the library
Because the vicious clacking of my keyboard keys may attract the attention
Of the lonely librarian who just wants to keep the peace of her quite place
Because when she goes home to her family her loud grandchildren scream with all their might
But she still puts up with it because the only time she sees them
Is when her ungrateful children need a babysitter
And her husband asks her what’s for dinner over and over forgetting the answer
As she expects a different question to arise from his lips.
Because one day at the library someone might ask about the tears running down my face
As I type and pour my soul into each and every word
As I stain my notebook with the salty water seeping from deep within
I’m scared of writing poetry
Because one day when I’m not looking
Someone will look at my screen and read what I have to say
Or someone will look at my notebook and see the different colored scribbles and soggy pages
Because they will read what I think what I know and what I believe
Because them knowing what’s going on in my head
Means that they can judge me
And take guesses at who I am when the darkness creeps back into my heart
And the fog rolls over my brain
Because they won’t just think they will know what’s happened to me
Because one day I will be dead and my children and grandchildren
will see what I was going through at their age
They will learn of my mistakes and hidden flaws they
And they will see what I have to say
And they will think differently of me
I’m afraid to write poetry
But that doesn't mean I will stop
Because the thoughts in my head only come out clearly when in the lines of a poem
Because expressing what I’m thinking and letting the voices out of my head
Is the only way I can understand how I feel
Because of my anger and happiness and sadness
Because I love it
