I‘m  F.I.N.E


               ****** up,

                                         insecure,

    Neurotic,

                                       ­                    and Emotional.
                      
    
But beyond a cheap self-deprecating joke
You and I might have a very different definition of
F i n e

To you,
fine might be scraping the surface
Or untapped potential
Knowing you can do better
  you have just enough money to make it by
You have just enough food on the table to survive
You are certain you can pay your bills this month
You just might pass on  netflix to get by
or you won’t go out with friends because you can’t pick up the tab

You
Are fine

To preface my point
This still isn’t a great place to be
and I’m sorry that you have
to just scrape by every day
Having fun should be a part of life
But at least you are stable
You at least are fine
You at least are

To me,
Fine
is digging deep

To me,
Fine
is a barrage of  pedigree hate

To me,
Fine
is not knowing if I’m gonna spend the night on my friend’s couch
Because   h e   beat me up
Or   s h e   told him to

To you,
Fine
might be safe

To me,
Fine
is whatever I think I can handle before I grab the bottle

To me,
Fine
is a measure of how bad **** can get before I grab the blade

So the next time you ask me if I’m   f i n e
And I say yes

Doubt me

Call me late at night
Don’t let me drink
It’s not the right kind of medicine

Follow me home
Don’t let me touch that knife
again

And if I don’t make it
If I couldn’t make it to “fine”
Even by my own delineation
It isn’t your fault
I just can’t seem to settle on the definition of a word
whose weight
I never quite understood.

-fine