I am nostalgic for humanity, the good in humans. My emotions have been consequential lately. I feel that I’m not ready for the emotions of others, negative emotions because of my actions. If they could feel what I feel, see what I see, would they treat me different? Would it change their response? I’m honest, yet deemed a horrible person. No matter..life moves on with or without you. I can’t stick around to ponder on the feelings of others. I have my own self inflictions. I’ve been feeling so sad and guilty about Jay. I had a dream about him. I fell into hole after his death and found comfort in it. I feel extra lonely lately and I like it. Puts my reality into perspective. I’m always so torn that’s my reality. Everything is half and half with me. Half of me enjoys being lonely, the other half wants someone around. I just don’t want them to confuse the need of company as a need of commitment. If they are more than that to me then I’ll let that individual know. I wanna self reflect so badly. Half of me wants a friend, someone consistent and the other half feels lustful, I want someone consistent for that as well. Every situation is a triangular spectrum. Both sides can be chosen and beautiful colors will show...a beautiful outcome is possible