There is a stone in my heart
There is a blockage saving face
It's draining me, leaving me dry
Everything - twirling, spinning inside
Every day, a thread of mistakes.

There is something I process but don't grasp
I've been here before - somehow
I've seen the green plastic grass
I've seen the cloudless and threatening sky

I've been through a lot, so I want to become
the girl of my dreams, dreams pushed by the world
Get a younger lover, get along better with my parents.
I can't carry on with my own mind. My own desires.
I got too heavy for my own life.

I guess I can get off the train, step back again.
It takes discipline - how to tame feelings?
Today another messy knot in my head.
Today all the hell appears back again
but I can handle, not the same girl