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Jun 2019
I sit quietly as you walk by, but you do not notice me. I find reasons to be near you but I feel unsure of myself. I go home and hide in my room as I look in the mirror I do not like what I see. Perhaps if I were thinner you would notice me. I skip breakfast and nibble at my lunch. I go home and eat my dinner then I throw it up. I toss and turn all night hoping tomorrow will be the day. I put on my clothes and they do not fit right. I look at my hair and I see that it is thinner so I think if I dye it perhaps it will look right. I go to class and sit near you, but you never look my way. I cannot figure out what is wrong with me, so I think of another way. Perhaps if I was thinner, then you would see me. I get a few pills from a friend so that I will not be hungry all of the time. I bump into you and you just look at me funny. I am not sure what it means, I just say sorry and walk on. I look in the mirror and I don't like what I see. I am still to fat, perhaps that is why you won't notice me. My mother finds me on the floor of our bathroom. I wake up in the hospital the room begins to spin. I wonder why everyone looks worried. I have an IV in my arm and it makes me feel ugly. I thought this was how it is done. I see the pictures in the magazine, they are all so pretty and thin and look so happy it seems. It turns out that what I thought was helping wasn't good for me. I am just lying here in my hospital bed dying for you to notice me.
James M Vines
Written by
James M Vines  50/M/Atlanta Georgia
(50/M/Atlanta Georgia)   
140
   Fawn
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