When I was a child, I developed slower than the other girls.

I noticed this and it bothered me.

It was simple things,
like lying about when my period came.

And on my first day of high school
I wore two bras
to compensate for... something.

It wasn't until the second day of high school I realized my uniform shirt was transparent...

That was the closest I had ever been to "stuffing".

Once when I was on a school trip, I had another girl chase me trying to read the size of my bra.

I get it they're small.

I told my mother that I wanted a **** job.
I must have been like 12.

She laughed and told me to ask her again when I was 18,
and to write it down in my diary so we could both look back and share a laugh.

I mean I guess she was right.

They ballooned into 3 times their size, maybe more?
And over the past year they have been here
almost taking over.

And now I find myself in the funny position of wanting to hide them.

Not hide,
but

stow away for later.

When I am out and about I would much prefer to have a flatter figure.

My chest that is.  

Which makes a complete opposite of how I felt growing up, longing for large balloons to make me pretty.

I tried binding for my first time tonight.
But I couldn't breathe very well.
And it wasn't flat enough.