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3d · 49
Wicked
Sav 3d
I used to be scared,

scared of everything.

Maybe it had something to do with being the first born child in a sheltered family.

I never saw anything raunchy until I was on my own.

So I didn't know.

I had to sleep with the lights on and a movie playing for years, for fear of something.

Something I never knew.

But these days,

after the death of a child, I've gone wild.

I want nothing but horror.

I want to gore, the mystery, the blood, the autopsy.

I was everything dark.

I've always thought that I was special.
that I am here for a reason.

I can feel something bubbling inside.

I can feel the ride.

Something wicked this way comes.
Sav 5d
Choking,

choking.

Never mind.

I'm okay...

The blue has turned to grey.

There isn't much more to say.

Do you remember those ****** skies.

Do you remember the hellos,
the goodbyes.

Do you remember  
being my first love,

Do you remember the face you made
when I told you the above.

We were smitten then you were gone,
We were right and then we were wrong.

Talent show,
pavement,
basement,
precipitation,

Questions, answers, after school choir,

Hand brush hand, you are a liar.

I know you and you loved me too.

Still I don't know what to do.

You asked me about Sam Mcgee, and how his cotton blooms and blows.

And when I said I wanted you, all you could do was let go.

I'll never forget you, cicada lover.

I'll always remember you.

First loves are hard.

The never really,

go away.
Aug 8 · 53
Scabs
Sav Aug 8
When you realize you are actually pulling off your own skin.

When your teeth fall out.

One by one.

Teeth from gum.

Nightmares can mix into daydreams at any time.

Without a reason, without a rhyme.

My fingers are covered in glue,
I don't know what  to do.

I can live with it, or peel my skin off.

I'm not sure which is worse.

Bleeding to death or forever living with this.

When timelines emerge, danger occurs.

You can't pick a scab and pretend the wound was never there.
Jul 31 · 119
Take Your Medicine
Sav Jul 31
I swallow medication with liquor.

Does that defeat the purpose?

Take your medicine,
take your medicine,

take
your
medicine.

Sorry.

It should be simple.

But nothing,

is simple.

Wish I,
could feel better.

Wish I,
had sent that letter.

take your medicine,
take your medicine,
take your clothes off.

I'm kidding.

Cut your shirts till they're dirt.
Cry till you're dry.

But most importantly,

Take your medicine.
Jul 27 · 233
A love from a Time
Sav Jul 27
I loved you a long time ago,
how are you doing now.

Clouds linger of previous times, previous moments.

Always getting caught in the rain,
but together it was
heven.

We were drenched one time and I got you a towel,
we were caught one time and we were powerful.

You gave up too soon,
my darling.

I told you I would have kids.

As if...

You are now but a memory.

A fragrance I can't grasp.

But...

You will always have a place

in this
heart.
Jul 26 · 93
The Cats Diary
Sav Jul 26
Scratches, scratches at the door,

where am I?

I know the bed, I know the floor.

But I have never been
here before.

I am trapped,
I am guarded.

My nails dig deep into the paint,
aesthetic disregarded.

Help.

Where is my family,

I am alone I am

Dying.

I haven't eaten for days,
it feels.

Oh wait,

My human came home.

She has pets and dinner.

Disregard what I just said.
Jul 18 · 75
How Old Are You
Sav Jul 18
I tell too many stories.

I give away too many secrets.

My mind is mush, my mind is
mush.

I don't know how long,

how long.

But.

The cloud is big.

The weathermen have been killed.

I take these pills to try and reside
somewhere close to
here.

Sometimes I feel the end is near.

Years go by without warning,
I'm getting older,
I'm getting boring.

Dear someone save our souls.

We're powerless in this world.
Jul 12 · 115
You Always Leave.
Sav Jul 12
Are these the moments that I'll forget tomorrow.

Are these the memories
that will soon bring sorrow.

How do I know when,
I am in the good.

How do I know what I'll feel
a year from now.

It scares me,

as I'm going to bed.

Things will be gone.

Nothing is easy and nothing
is what it's been.

Are these the moments that get buried.

I dreamt of you last night.

Short hair and rosy cheeks.

But you still left me.

God, if that isn't a sign I don't know what is.

Even when I dream of you, you still leave.
Based on some dreams, and I guess some history.
Jun 29 · 57
On Breasts pt. 1
Sav Jun 29
She smelled like roses.

No,

something better than that.

I was in love with this girl for a while.

Pining, crying,

the usual.

She was so out of reach and then,

I don't know how but
I got the chance of a life time.

It started with knees.
After an episode or two of orange is the new black.

I realized I couldn't live without trying.

So I touched my knee to hers.

And then....

She was in my bed. And she smelt amazing.

I put my nose between the bra of the girl I had been in love with for most of highschool.

It was

mind blowing.

She smelt like roses,

or,

what you imagine the sweetest smell to be.

I've never smelt anything quite like that.

She smelled like happiness.

I remember putting my face between her *******,
over and on top of,

Just taking it in.

Sometimes I think about whether or not I'm really a lesbian,

and then I remember her.

So thanks, I guess...

You fragile tease.

Also known as,

My first love.
I found this in my drafts idk. The second part is not going to be related to this at all, w.e
Jun 25 · 195
Strangers
Sav Jun 25
Remember that time I offered you a ride but you said
you already had one
with one of the
guys.

Which is funny because you once said to me,

"I love riding with you,"

Because I sang along to the radio
and danced in my seat.

Do you remember telling me
that I

made a purple sweater and a magenta cap
look beautiful.

Because I remember you taking the time to
message me that.

I remember driving a car illegally,
that is,

without a license
to pick you up at
midnight.

I remember the way you looked at me.

And I remember the way
you treated me
after I became
dead weight.

I remember when you put your hand atop my hand
and
pretended like nothing had happened.

The worst strangers
are the ones
you used to know.
Jun 16 · 39
Petite
Sav Jun 16
Once we went to the mini houses.

All of the doors were small.

Once we met up at the end of a trail, and there was a bridge that we sat on.

But the tiny village was better.

Tiny doors and tiny lawns.

I don't know if it was the ****.

Tiny houses, tiny problems.

One day I will open the door and be me, that lesbian.
Jun 4 · 64
Roots
Sav Jun 4
When I was last in Trinidad,

We stayed at our aunts house on the hill.

It was bliss, it was
private.

But our next door neighbours bore a secret.

Within the windows of dancing curtains laid a girl.

A girl I never knew.

From what I heard she was very smart, and talented at chess.

She was a friend of my youngest sister.

But something happened,
the worst.

And she is now bedridden.
I never saw her.

But my youngest sister did.

I can't imagine how much that must have
hurt her.

And yet we all went swimming.

In her pool.

While she laid there,
totally unaware that we were
there.

It was our last night in Trinidad and our uncle came to visit.

We were all hyper fixated on going underwater.

That we all but ignored him.

Yet I have never met this daughter who suffers from something affecting her brain.

She may or may not be still lying there.

Or perhaps she is dead.

Sometimes I realize I am more lucky than I feel.
Jun 2 · 550
I'm not sad anymore.
Sav Jun 2
I'm not sad anymore,
Well maybe
sometimes I am.

I used to cry for you each night.
Wondering what had happened.

I'm not mad anymore,
my anger is through.

I don't cry anymore,
Don't waste my tears on you.

I know it's been a million years,
but for me it seems like yesterday

The tears, the moon, and the rain.

The love and then the hopeless pain.

I'm not heartbroken anymore.

I've served my time.

You were once the reason of rhythm
and reason of rhyme.

But now you're nothing but a ghost.
Or
A host of my memory.
May 31 · 63
On Breasts
Sav May 31
When I was a child, I developed slower than the other girls.

I noticed this and it bothered me.

It was simple things,
like lying about when my period came.

And on my first day of high school
I wore two bras
to compensate for... something.

It wasn't until the second day of high school I realized my uniform shirt was transparent...

That was the closest I had ever been to "stuffing".

Once when I was on a school trip, I had another girl chase me trying to read the size of my bra.

I get it they're small.

I told my mother that I wanted a **** job.
I must have been like 12.

She laughed and told me to ask her again when I was 18,
and to write it down in my diary so we could both look back and share a laugh.

I mean I guess she was right.

They ballooned into 3 times their size, maybe more?
And over the past year they have been here
almost taking over.

And now I find myself in the funny position of wanting to hide them.

Not hide,
but

stow away for later.

When I am out and about I would much prefer to have a flatter figure.

My chest that is.  

Which makes a complete opposite of how I felt growing up, longing for large balloons to make me pretty.

I tried binding for my first time tonight.
But I couldn't breathe very well.
And it wasn't flat enough.
Just some feelings I've been having lately
May 28 · 46
I want to be a Writer
Sav May 28
Am I a trick writer?

One of those writers who doesn't make sense.

I call myself a writer through agony,

but am I?

I try to be but I don't try hard enough.

I need to be the kind who finds sunshine and unleashes a dragon of words.

So far all I can do is check the spelling and punc

tuation.
May 28 · 70
A moment among many
Sav May 28
In the theatre,

two years of knowing her.

I was in love,
I was in
love.

She was serious and so delirious,
She got good grades but couldn't tell that I was
crazy for her.

Crazy in love.

And then she started inviting me over,
house of cats and parent's leaving.
I though there may have been a reason.

It took almost five years, but we kissed. I kissed that mistress.

That untouchable soul, the guarded.

It wasn't until she sent me songs that boys sent her.

I only realized that in the future.

Dear H, See how strong your pull is?

It means nothing now.

Just sirens,
in the distance.
May 25 · 211
Betrayal
Sav May 25
Its strange that people
are capable
of storing memories

about you
that you have since forgotten.

I have this one friend who tells me things about myself that I never knew.

Be it a story I told or a joke I pulled.

I was quite the jester.

It weirds me out that there are people who hold memories of me
be it fond be it
friendly.

I made an impact,
somewhere.

At some point in time.

I think he remembers so much about me because we were best friends once.

I feel like I have betrayed a lot of people.
Today has been rough.
May 24 · 53
Vulnerable
Sav May 24
I probably should have known
that something was
wrong.

But I didn't see it.

I was in the eleventh grade, in love with a girl who would never be mine, and figuring **** out.

There was this teacher.

I have no idea what subject he taught I just know I was in his class.

In that class with one of my best friends.

I remember telling her I was *** in that class.

Regardless,

I am pretty sure the teacher had a
thing
for me.

He was one of those,

what do you call it...

"eccentric" teachers.

He was all indie
and didn't give a **** about
what was in.

Including the teeny boppers
who smoked and cussed.

But, he liked me.

And my nonchalant attitude towards school as well as my taste in music.  

I let things happen.

Nothing, too weird.

Just the fact that I folded an origami swan and he kept it all year,
or
the fact that I left his class one day singing Crimson and Clover,
and I came back to a note on my desk from him saying
"Over and Over..."
with clovers drawn on each corner.

Yeah that should have been my first sign.

Later on I'm on "the bench" with the girl I loved, and what does he do but shove his way in between us, and put an arm around us both.

We exchanged panicked glances before this teacher took his chances and
called out to another teacher saying,
and I quote...

"Look! I'm in a chick sandwich!"

And of course, the other teacher nearly gagged before bolting into the principals office.

He didn't speak to me for the rest of the year.

It was only when I graduating and picking up my repot card that I sought him out to say goodbye.

I found him in the tech lab drinking whiskey.

I saw the bottle.

I saw the LCBO bag.

He was drinking and he took one last drag up my body.

What would have happened if I had been even more stupid?
More vulnerable?

In the year book as a joke I listed my secret crush as him.

I thought it was funny.

It was certainly not.

And never will be.
gross, just gross
May 22 · 482
Be Kind to Yourself
Sav May 22
There is a tattoo
of a wolf
on my thigh.

A tattoo I had been planning,
for a long time.

Underneath is not what I would call
bare skin.

It is graced with
and possessed with
scars.

Of one kind.

That kind.

I am grateful that now
when I look down

I am not met with harsh lines,
but instead the eyes
of a kind wolf mother.

She now bares the scars that I carved.

Be kind to yourself,

she says.
True Story
May 21 · 45
French Teacher
Sav May 21
This is kind of weird.

What is the intention.

Of all that background noise and memories of boys?

When I was young I though I had to date men.

So I did.  

I mean sort of.

I had a new boyfriend every few months and I am sure as hell not proud of that.

It made me hate myself.

I had a crush on my eight grade french teacher.

To the point that I called her by her name and flirted with her.

When I told my mom that for the first time the other day,

she asked me why I didn't just come out sooner.

I mean...

If only she knew.

What I had to go through,

to be here now.
May 20 · 48
Fireworks
Sav May 20
You see fireworks once
you see fire works a hundred times.

But I still whip around to face my window,
when I hear them.

Coming with passing seasons,
for different reasons.

What was the reason?

Some sort of holiday.

But it makes me wonder,
what exactly
people are celebrating for.

Do they even know?

I think it might just be an excuse for humans to do something that makes them feel happy.
Why is it a three dee weekend? I forget.
May 19 · 91
On Eating Part 2
Sav May 19
There was one night when things were still bad,

Bad as in
I was still dating a man although I'm a lesbian,
and still not eating properly.

Or,

at all really.

We used to drink the hunger away.

Be it one dollar iced coffees, or a beer.

I knew how to fake it.

If I didn't get what I ordered, the gag reflex kicked in.

He didn't like that.

I shouted at him
that I have
an
eating disorder.

-

Things are better now
I've gained 50 pounds
and I look
healthy.

Except now my family is telling me to lose weight.

It's like I can't win.

I know it shouldn't bother me
but it does.

Would they rather me be on the cusp of death than have me with a pudgy tummy?

My mother told me to lose 20 pounds.

Doesn't she remember when I needed to gain them?

I thought she would be proud.

But,

whatever.

When I step on the scale I smile.
May 17 · 59
Children
Sav May 17
There is a pigeon at my doorstep.

Right outside,
on
the balcony.

I am writing a novel about pigeons.

So I approach.

My girlfriend tells me not to.

My fiancee not my girlfriend.

But I do anyway.

I come almost beak to beak but he fled.

Angry with me.

He is back tonight,

with a girl under his wing.

They have lost their home, maybe children

Or maybe she is about to lay eggs,
pregnant.

In the animal world, they bare babies and that is life.

But in this human world we have a choice.

Or at least,

we should.

I don't often get Political.

But the world is burning.

**** whoever let bills pass that **** woman over a fetus.

Watch them make **** illegal again because

I am

*******,

and bleeding out,

all my "children".
May 16 · 66
On Hair
Sav May 16
When I was young,

I had my hair done for me.

Ponytails, pigtails, whatever.

And then it being the '90's.

My hair was chopped off due to lice.

I cried, and cried. I was in the second grade.

"I look like my grandma..."

I thought.

Years go by of growing it out.

Boys used to pull on it,
as if
I were a
doorbell.

My hair was long but I did not know what to do with it.

I would spray it with foam, or spritz.

I did whatever I could to it.

I burnt it with a straightener.

I was even silly enough to use a curler on my already naturally curly hair.

Like I said,

I had no idea what I was doing.

Then I chopped it off.

Like it was nothing.

And I didn't care.

It's growing back now.

Almost to my *** which is what I wanted from the start.

Sometimes you have to lose before you gain.

Hair I mean.
May 14 · 200
On Cottages
Sav May 14
It could be fun,

Or it could be
a repeat
of last time.

Boys, cottage, girls, drugs,
me?

The last time I went to a cottage,
I cried until I was taken home.

The time before that, I was with a group of
people and

things,

they weren't great.

I have not been to the cottage
since

2013.

The year things happened.

Maybe this year
I can overcome that
fear.
May 12 · 451
Bringing you Home
Sav May 12
There are signs of you

all over the home now.

Little memories
and little mementos.

Clues and reminders that you are real
and not
just a
concept.

I cannot wait to meet you,

little one.
I know this sounds like I'm pregnant, but I'm actually just getting a cat lol
May 10 · 38
Dear Billie
Sav May 10
I love how nothing changed.

Oop, and then it did.

You're too young for this.

Stop.

Why can't I tell you not to do how I used too.

I had you and then I didn't.

I swear I did my best.

I wish I could protect you forever.

From what?

From men.

I don't want you to get hurt.

You are very smart and I trust you but,

It won't be long.

Stay strong.

Punk rebel daughter.
May 10 · 105
Lucid
Sav May 10
Drifting off to sleep,

when rain falls like sheep.

Wait, are we sleeping or is it raining.

Caught between dreams, nothing seems,
seems real.

Have you ever been there?

Dreams are more than they seem, I am telling you
from
experience.

Eyes closed, mind faded until you're mind is open and your eyes are faded.

It's only then you have total control.
May 8 · 86
A lowkey rant
Sav May 8
I'm getting mad and sad all at once.

Is that allowed.

Memory is like a tornado these days.

All I want is a cat.
I'm getting a cat soon but being responsible is so lame! Aka, cat count down
May 8 · 49
Beginning
Sav May 8
The sun sets in the east.

and,

the weeping willows are starting to cry.

I drive past flowers, across rivers, across lilies

Nothing will ever be as sweet as you.

Butterfly shoulders and waterfall heart.

It's all in the beginning.
May 5 · 91
Tomorrow
Sav May 5
Seaside shorelines, borderline beginnings.

I think I know what I want.

Paths between fait and faith,
forgiveness, overbearing.

Like twists and turns of tides, riptides, or undertow,
You will probably never know.

Know where you are going.

Tomorrow is like looking through a kaleidoscope of different outcomes.

Be it triumph be it trump.

Be it failure, be it sunk.

It's all in how you see it,

I suppose.

I wish I could see properly.
In which I try to write about something other than romance.
May 3 · 94
2013 pt. 1
Sav May 3
We had been friends.

Friends for not very long.

I had never seen you before that day,
that day that you walked into grade 11 drama class.

I only knew one person in that class.

A friend of a friend.

When we were asked to get into groups of three.

You came over and I was annoyed but like the flip the flip of a switch I went from hatred to love.

I fell in love with you faster than a green light turns red.

I was so young.

16 turning 17 when I met you.

That feels weird on my tongue.

Many walks, moves, movies, and music later, something happened.

I don't know what it was.

But you let me kiss you, and you kissed me back.

My brain traced back to highschool in those moments, and how long I  had been waiting for this.

You kissed me, and kissed me.

And told me I was beautiful.

I cannot express how that time felt to me, H.

This is one part of one story.
Apr 30 · 115
Wars
Sav Apr 30
What do you do
when you become
one with your demons.

Once they've been there
for so long,
that you no longer fear them.

I'm sure at first it felt as if you were under attack,
or
imprisoned within the walls of this cell that we call our minds.

What happens when you start to get over it,
when you start to leave
that demon behind.

What happens
when you suddenly find yourself
associating your self
with it,

not knowing how to be yourself,
without it's prickling paws,
it's suction cupped claws.

Is this some kind of mental stockholm syndrome?

It must be.

Feeling like you can't face breakfast without your baggage.

I need to learn how to detach.
Sav Apr 28
I took her to my best friends house,

Was hard to convince her,
but eventually she came out.

Picked her up in my best friends car,
didn't have a license but,
it wasn't far.

She came to see me, and I was glad,
Best night that I've ever had.

I sang some songs and then kissed her, I held her in my arms
and whispered.

When I took her home it was 4am,
said I'd love to do this again.

She messaged me to say thankyou,
and that I made a
purple sweater look cute.

I loved her then, and I love her now. I know its crazy but thats the truth somehow.

Yellow sunglasses, hockey puck, love notes and a special rock.

You hugged me when I told you so.

But closed your eyes and then said no.

Still think about you sometimes though,
and hope that you do the same too.  

YoU hAvE * uNrEaD mEsSaGeS

"*, you make an oversized magenta hoodie and a purple beanie look beautiful"

"
, I'm falling for you,"

"I', sorry, I can't be with you..."

*beep, beep beep
This is based off of real events but not current events
Apr 27 · 52
You Chose No.
Sav Apr 27
I remember the first time I made you laugh.

I was trying not to say the word "like"

But I like couldn't do it.

You laughed so hard so hard you snorted.

I used to walk home in the wrong direction just to be with you,

I remember the time you yelled at kids throwing **** into the ravine.

I wonder if you ever considered the fact that I was in love with you.

Well, sure you did.

But you chose no.
Sav Apr 26
Like the idiot I am, I sprained ******* on the side I most use to write.

Is this some paradox?

By the way if you get the chance could you do me a favour and define paradox for me?

****,

This is hard. I keep typing things I don

t mean too.

See what I mean?

It's strange how one single finger can change the entire way you do things/

The entire way you type.

It's getting to be too much trouble to try and fix the errors.

But I suppose that is how life is.

My finger keeps trying to move in directions it cant possibly go.

Understandable.
Its annoying yall
Apr 25 · 216
Dear H, Love R.
Sav Apr 25
I am chaos and I am desire.

So say my dreams.

It's always between the two.

Last night I had a pleasant dream that I was dating her.

It was sweet.
Precious even.

But when I awoke I had to deal with different things.

It's stupid that I still write about her, but what can you do.

The heart wants what the heart wants, so someone said.

Right now my heart only seeks friendship from her. Ot at least,
closure.

She didn't even want to give me that.

Dear H.

Love R,
Sav Apr 22
I can’t believe this will be my last night
in the room I grew up in.

The room I cried in and laughed in.
The mattress on which I vomited, and masturbated, and had *** for the first time.

The window where I smoked **** against my parents wishes,

and the room that I drank myself silly in.

The room I fell in love in,

and was brutally heartbroken in.

This is my last night here.
Apr 16 · 51
Memories
Sav Apr 16
There's always a girl.

That one,

girl.

There are always simple things in life that we cling onto for no apparent reason.

But maybe for those same reasons, we think about that one girl.

It could be the most simple of things.

An umbrella, a pair of sunglasses, a hockey puck, a used towel, a plastic dinosaur, a novel, a feeling, a kiss.

It can be burned in forever.

Only to be melted away by the warmth that is Spring.

Only thawed, never burned.
Apr 16 · 300
La Luna
Sav Apr 16
The moon changes it's shape to please your eye.

I know you won't believe it.

Even if the moon is eclipsed or out of sight, it will change it's shape to suit you right.

Stand under it, right now.

Even if you can't see her she's there.

And when she appears looking broken and uncompleted, in your eyes it will change to a perfect sphere.

Just for you.

So pay attention to that, and appreciate her for all that she is.

Because for you she would change her entire shape, just to please you.

The moon always hangs in the sky.
ummm
Apr 8 · 30
Lesbian Fairy Tale
Sav Apr 8
Like a delicate flower she was,
hanging in a french cafe.

She could have been so much more than she was.

Highschool sweet hearts.
At least, it could have been that easy.

I asked her to prom as a joke but she said yes.

But because of the over bearing hetero norm town I was living in, I said yes to a boy as well.

That was my first mistake.

I should have stayed with her.

I was never straight nor bi, never will be.

I am a lesbian to the core.

But I let the wrong person in.

For too long.

I still look for her face in crowds.

Maybe one day we will reunite.

But until then I have found the real love of my life, my future wife.

This was a lesbian fairy tale.
Sav Apr 8
Because I have been absorbing.

Reading novel, after novel.

And listening to the same music on repeat.

I don't know how I managed to switch into such a state.

I went from reading nothing to reading pages upon pages of Japanese fiction.

I feel like it has done me good.

I am almost ready to come out of the rabbit hole that is Murakami,
and find my own voice.

The concept is there,

I just need the resolution.
Mar 27 · 58
If I saw Her again
Sav Mar 27
I feel as though I am cursed.

Because,

I see her everywhere.

On the streets, on the train, at home.

I am always looking for her.

Hoping to one day run in to her one more time.

I know the chances of this are slim but I still like to dream.

...

More disturbingly I still seem to see her everywhere I look.

It's as if, she had fixed, to have a dozen look-a-likes roam the streets.

I know this isn't the case...

I just think that I see her everywhere I go.

And one tiny part of me is hoping that one day,

I will see her for real.

What I would say?

Who knows.
Mar 27 · 47
Truth
Sav Mar 27
I chase my meds with alcohol.

She wants me to stop but I wont.

I feel as if I was the one to stop at the strange river and gulp down the water.

In place of the character in the novel I am reading.

I feel connected and yet disconnected from this reality.

As if I were born again.

I have no memories of that past self anymore.
Sav Mar 25
The other day I was asked,

if I had ever been in a toxic relationship before.

It was a conversation between manager and managee, but we don't see it that way.

We are friends.

And we got onto the topic of crazy exes.

And so I told my story. About the one man I dated before coming out of the closet.

And how he threw me into the ground, after pulling a knife on me.

To be honest I threw him to the ground first.

It was after a concert.

And we were both drunk.

But after a slip up I made we ended up on a train going the wrong way.

And I had a panic attack.
He didn't like that.

He took my phone and pretended to throw it across the tracks.

So of course, I was in distress.

And I cried, and I cried.

And I had been on the phone with my mom, my one true confidante and he stripped that away.

To this day, I still look back on this moment as abuse. Why did no one help me?

He pulled a knife from his pocket and said if I did not stop crying he would slit his wrists.

At that I lost it.

We had a mutual friend who had killed himself.

How dare this ******* threaten the same thing.

Despite the fact that he was an ex MMA fighter I took him down.

I hooked my leg against his and shoved him down into the ground and screamed at him, saying he shouldn't say such things.

And rather than hold me, he flipped me into the dirt and pushed mt face down. I tasted gravel.

Anyone who wanted to help was barked away by him.

Why was I so alone.

Why did no one come.

The rest of us ended in similar situations.

He then proceeded to sleep with my best friend.

And I broke up with more than one person that day.
Mar 23 · 47
When I Get In
Sav Mar 23
It's almost like separation anxiety but long dormant.

When your spouse leaves the house and doesn't come back when she usually does.

Your heart physically aches.

Aches to be held and to see her face.

Of course, you know she is safe but there is no where safer than lying next to me in bed.

Being able to stroke her head and feel her presence next you you.

Moments like these can be scary, and at the same time, quite refreshing and beautiful.

Knowing that there is someone in your life that you care so deeply about.

Almost like breathing.

You cannot live without oxygen, and I feel whole heartedly that I cannot live without her beside me.

Some may call that crazy, and crazy it is.

To be crazy in love with another human.

To feel almost apart of them.

It is a dangerous game to play, the game of love.

Because you have not only your own life to be cautious of and worry about, but also that of another.

Without this love, you may be stress free.

But when you have it, and if you have it you know.

That you would rather stay up waiting for that other half of your self to return to you,

than to sit alone, in silence,

wondering what that could

be like.
My Fiancee had to work late tonight and I really missed her so she told me to write her a poem to **** the time so this is that
Mar 21 · 615
The First Days Of Spring
Sav Mar 21
Is a song by Noah and The Whale.


When I first heard that song, it was Spring.

And it was the Spring that I realized that I was in love for the first time.

In love with a girl.

We were friends and I would go out of my way to walk home with her.

I lived in a small town, and all paths lead the same way. But I would take a longer one just for those extra minutes together.

I remember the first time I made her laugh. It was over something stupid and minuscule, but laugh she did.

And I soaked every chord of sound that it held and remember it to this day.

Love is a funny thing. It's like once it happens you can never forget it.

If you did forget it, then it wasn't real love.

It's as simple as that.

I would walk with her to this crossroad and we would pause.

At first it was a few minutes at best, but as summer came around it was minutes upon minutes of dragging out this time together.

She was studious, and always made the excuse to go home and study.

And that time came later and later the more we continued this pattern.

But without fail,

whenever we would part ways and she would walk past the catholic school and I would descend into the trees, after waving goodbye until we could no longer see eachother, I would put on this song.

And I would revel in it, taking in every note ever lyric.

And in my young 17 year old heart I knew. Something knew...

That this song would eventually have severe and deep meaning to me.

That someday it would strike something in my heart that made me understand why everything had happened and that it had happened for a reason.

That moment came today.

On the first day of Spring.

When I randomly remembered that songs named and played it,

And all of these memories came flooding back.

Like a blocked stream finally flowing.

Connecting with my past self and knowing, that I have come
so far.

If you're read my poems before, just know that this is about the same girl.

That one.

The one that got away.
Mar 19 · 516
Being in Love
Sav Mar 19
Can be the scariest moment of your life if it is true.

The scariest time.

Yes you are in love, but you also fear for what could happen if you lose it.

I'm not talking about cheating or disconnect,

I am talking about death.

The worst thing you could ever imagine, is your partners death, and what you would do without them.

It's an unbearable pain. Even if hypothetical.

It's tragic, it's lonely, it's toxic.

You start thinking of all the things you would do if you suddenly found your boo dead.

It's such a particular dread.

I know I have anxiety.

And that is what causes these thoughts.

But still I think about what would I do,

I she were to leave this earth.

The funny thing is we have this kind of suicide pact. If she were to leave I would follow and vice versa.

Sometimes I wonder if that is really true. And I picture life without you.

And all I see is me

drowning at the

bottom of the

ocean.

I would happily gulp down waves of salt if it were fact that I could

never see her again.
Mar 16 · 36
Love be like that
Sav Mar 16
Blue, blue

raspberry.

Is that a real flavour?

Summer time, sun shines which is rare in Canada.

I remember changing outfits several times.

Sweat dripping like regret lingering, and being totally unsure of the whole situation.

Was she who she said she was?

But after driving my car up to the train station and seeing her there, leaning against the concrete so obsolete so complete. Hair spiked into a mohawk, sunglasses covering her eyes.

I took her for ice cream in my whip. I didn't know it then but she liked that.

After icecream we go for a walk but don't get very far before I say um I'm parked illegally.

So we go back and I drive her to the pier. Nothing to see here.

But she did ask to hold my hand.

Have you ever been on a first date so pure?

And we were no where near done.

She asked to hold my hand and I said yes.

And then I took her minigolfing.

I dropped her off at the station around 7pm.

We have not gone more than a week without seeing eachtother since that first date.

Im fact we live together,
and are getting married.
Mar 11 · 40
Strange
Sav Mar 11
It's times like these that I would have messaged you in vein, in pain.

But I know I can't do that anymore.

Even though it hurts and you would have listened, would have been too eager to listen.

I know it was all wrong.

But at the same time there is no one here to take your place.

I live in a small world with few to talk to. And when the one person you rely on most isn't talking back.

You sometimes need that support of someone else who will listen. And let you rant.

I need a new best friend.
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