(thus forever experiencing craving to eat cheese)

Nothing but gridlock traffic
(far as thee eye could see)
heading east on Schuylkill Expressway
(oxymoronic name for quickest route
into center city, albeit Philadelphia),

yet this papa promised eldest daughter
freshly minted University
of Pennsylvania graduate
hoping to make amends
prior to first born heading

of into blue, (...er rather green,
asper legal tender) beyond
(without doubt experiencing more
financial security than yours truly,
whose penurious crisis

tantamount to being self ostracized
within luxe MainLine,
where one percent flaunt their wealth
disparage dirt poor folks like this sir
meaning husband, his spouse

plus attendant two biological kin
reinforcing feeling inferior,
among those earning or
inheriting fistfulls of moolah,
said offspring also lodged opprobrium

citing slovenly housekeeping
amidst generations (Zison heirlooms)
yielding barely ample space
our family of four analogous
to sardines in a tin packed to the gills,

which pennilessness exacerbated
since neither mama nor papa (me) worked
reasons squarely linkedin to mental illness
asper myself - chronic anxiety, panic attacks
with concomitant courtesy benefits;

adrenaline maddeningly coursing thru veins
palms sweating profusely, racing heart
irritable bowels syndrome, nausea, vertigo...
physiological symptoms

played offal, nasty, malicious
cruel version of knick knack paddy whack...
with these lovely bones
severely disabled me to function
academia, employment, socialization...

imperiled satisfactory existence
learning, working, commingling
felt like butchered bovine
at slaughterhouse five.

bonhomie within beastie boy here
in short supply, an understatement,
now impossible mission to recoup
sabotaged, jackbooted, atrophied....
blissful happy go lucky little boy

blessedly energetic innately
nervous tensing up,
manifesting cringing pose
no matter parents lenient
though father bellowed stern rebukes

perhaps interpreting paternal rejection
sole son less gifted prowess with smarts
in short, no weigh,
shape, or form, a polymath
cultivated, habituated, ossified

once playful quirky little rascal
set tilled under veritable weathered
sedimentary stagnancy for peat sakes
psyche got bogged down
into impermeable metamorphic hardrock.