The sorrow that consumes me is not because of a lost love. More like a 'lost me'. I don't know what's happening to me. My happiness seems to disintegrate with every breath I take. I try breathing slower, but nothing seems to work. It's like I live my biggest fear every single day. Is that not the worst thing to feel? I am so frightened that I will be alone for the rest of my life. Look's like I got a head start. I don't want to wander this earth trying to find my niche by myself. If I'm going to be lost, I want someone to be with me. I don't want to be floating around and not be sure if something happens if I will have someone or not. Isn't that frightening? What's worse is that I don't even feel like I have a story. I'm not even the main character in my life. I just happen to be a recurring person in the background. I am so overlooked, and unneeded, and useless. The only thing I can give to the world are my words and my art. That's it.
I am just so tired of feeling this. I hate my emotions. I hate that I have no one to talk to, I just keep it inside and it festers and it boils and it's just slowly destroying me. It's terrifying to be like this and have no one to confide it.