May 2019
1: Jump out of an aircraft. Remember: don't forget to shout religious phrases learned from movies in order to mask motive. Works best when performed in the ****.
2: Get shot in the head. Cut carefully along dotted lines and glue pheasant cut-out to front of face. Warning: may not work in countries outside the UK or in built-up areas. Works best when performed in the ****.
3: Paralysis. Drink five bottles of whiskey or ***** (or five of each) and the decision to dart into oncoming traffic makes more and more sense. The knack to this one is pretending that the screaming vehicle coming towards you is your favorite grandmother offering you cookies (or other cliche snack item). Adds a complex psychological element when performed in the **** which will also aid to mask motive.
2: Get shot in the head. Cut carefully along dotted lines and glue pheasant cut-out to front of face. Warning: may not work in countries outside the UK or in built-up areas. Works best when performed in the ****.
3: Paralysis. Drink five bottles of whiskey or ***** (or five of each) and the decision to dart into oncoming traffic makes more and more sense. The knack to this one is pretending that the screaming vehicle coming towards you is your favorite grandmother offering you cookies (or other cliche snack item). Adds a complex psychological element when performed in the **** which will also aid to mask motive.
