I yearn for the quiet to hide my scars,
A cloak of confidence gifted from the darkest corners,
It offers itself from most places-  if you know where look,
The corner of the room,
The back of the crowd,
Or last in the queue,
My mantra is to be unnoticed and uninvited,
I steer clear of gatherings
Crowds unsettle me,
I live for the solace the silence brings,
I learnt long ago that out of sight is out of mind,
You cannot hit what isn’t there,
Or threaten a vacant space,
Don’t get me wrong - Evil still calls,
And when It does you better believe,
I come running like a loyal servant,
This chameleon that I’ve been forced to be -
Brings its own gifts,
Mine is the ability to sense trouble before it occurs,
It’s hidden in the tone of a voice,
The twitch of an eyebrow or the narrowing of the eyes,
It’s my warning to get out - to hide,
Melt into the back ground and avoid the situation,
But occasionally there’s no where to run,
Sometimes there’s no where to hide,
Then I switch to my defences,
Fast thinking to talk about anything to calm the threat,
Showering compliments and promises to appease my master,
All the while watching for those tell tales to heighten.
If that doesn’t work I prostrate myself with apologies and acceptances of guilt,
Anything to avoid the brewing storm.
It works for the most part,
It normally ends in some ****** deprivation,
That’s my ace card,
The one that’s guaranteed to work nine out ten times,
And so it starts again,
It’s the threat of that tenth time that lives within my shadows,
Always hovering on the edge of  everything I do,
Because that tenth time so easily could be my last time,
It’s come close,
This is why I yearn for the quiet,
To hide the scars of my survival,
Living a life in which I want to be invisible,
Isn’t the life I want to live,
But it’s the life I lead,
You can’t help me,
You can’t be there for me,
You’ll never even notice me,
Because I’m invisible.