You know, there are days when you just want to lay down with that person and tell them everything, and, instead of telling you, I decided to write about you.
We have lost everything, the love, the hope, the dreams and most importantly, the future.
I’ve been trying to write for a couple of hours and I only discovered that my grief will always have a sour taste when it comes to endings.
My heart tried so many times to handle the bruises that you left on it, my soul tried to fly away so many times, but here I am, trying to understand how a person could have this kind of impact on you. How can I smile knowing that the coldest moments are waiting for me, that the sun will stop touching my soul, that the thorns made a wall which covers my entire body, and it gives me so much pain, they are scratching me, my harmony, leaving me bleeding with memories that once made me radiate.
And as soon as the bleeding will end, maybe I will realize that we have our own lives. Maybe I will realize that I will fall in love again, and I will dance away my sadness, that I will write poems about him and you will be all about her, and “us” will be just another word that you will use with her thinking about us. We will hold other hands and kiss other bodies, feel pleasure through the agony or tenderness during the suffering process.
I will always wonder where I went wrong and I will always blame my chaos because of your calm. I will always remain awake thinking about this misery.
And I will always have people surrounding me, and they are all that it matters now, knowing that you have a shelter when your world is falling apart. And I will always laugh and dance, write and cry, and I will always remember that this is life and I should take it the way it is. I will always embrace the mess that will bring me peace.
And so should you.
thank you.