I’ve become accustom to a world without you.
A world where I have this space that I cautiously,
Meticulously walk around during the day.

Knowing you aren’t here,
But keeping the thought and knowledge in the back
Of my mental space so I only feel the vibration of the loss.
But at night or rough days,
The knowledge of your loss is something I can’t ignore.
And it suffocates me.
Takes the breath from my lungs,
the physical pain I feel in my chest is unmistakable.

Grief.
So eloquently I avoid the grief during the day.
When I need to stay focused on the world I'm in now.
The facade I’ve mastered is beautiful.
but on days when I can’t or when my mind is bored,
I can’t avoid the empty space in my life that vibrates me to my core.

Where the grief is stored.
Where the anger reveals itself to be
True grief.
Honest loss.
Reliable devastation.

And I have to learn how to live,
With the constant vibration,
Of grief.