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May 2019
The worst kind of pain is falling in love with your best friend. Someone always so near yet you can’t have them. It’s different because I know you love me, I knew it the first time you kissed me. The first time I felt you hand on my cheek. It’s heartbreaking knowing you feel for me but still loved her all along. I understand how you can say you love her and still kiss me so sweetly but I don’t understand why you won’t tell me how you really feel. I try and hide the fact that I love you with jokes and little white lies, but every time we joke about getting married it hurts to say “we both know that it never could happen.” I tell you I adore you, instead of I love you. Because you may love me but I’m in love with you. I can’t stand to hear my favorite voice say words i know mean different than what i want them to. You voice still rings inside my head telling me that it’s okay, I know it’s okay but not in my mind. My troubles cloud me with gray. I “fit perfectly” in your arms you tell me more and more but you won’t loose me over some relationship, long or short. I just want you. I want you here. I want you all for me. You tell me that you get jealous when I talk to other guys. I ask you why and laugh inside because I do just the same. I hate the late night concerts you go with her, not me. I hate that she’s not even your girlfriend and the one that is, is needy and deserves to be free. I want to be your best friend, because you’re mine. I want you to notice that it was me all along, but it won’t happen that way. Your jigsaw puzzle you say is complete when I hug you is missing a piece that you too from me, my heart it’s made of steel. But still will melt when it’s hot enough, and you make my eyes burn. Burn past the point of fiery tears to melting of my heart. I cry and cry and flood my heart with channels deep and wide because I know you have a boat that can sail right through with ease. I’m still not the one, I still get jealous. I still adore you but I’m also deeply, madly, passionately in love with you.
Gabi Hilbig
Written by
Gabi Hilbig
108
 
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