he pointed out my shortcomings
saying he could sense the darkness inside of me
a woman whose life was full of shine and warm welcomes
with a family of noticeable care and support
her mind was preoccupied with dreams and desires
of creating something, something lasting and true
like a family of four
or a cozy home with a wrap-around porch
of a man with stable goals and concrete intentions
maybe she was too blind to achieve it.
he told me he knew me at heart
but I was afraid of being too open and honest
hoping to shield the world from my confusing observations and unjustified beliefs
she was the pretty girl, the one who everyone loved
and then the dreams darkened their colors
my brain got polluted with grueling ideas

gutting old women and feeding the homeless
stepping in flies to feel the disgust
scalping a man and without second thought,
she devoured his skin and with the money she bought
a considerable amount of paint to be used
on her town, to cover the crimes and abuse

and her family all left her, and life was a slate
my body was opened and laid on display
I began to sense the darkness inside me
and I pushed it to the bottom of the bowl
underneath the self-centered behaviors and opinions I know are not true
but I don't know what I believe, and I have no desire
to dig deeper, to find myself, to know my real wants or reasons for trying
she sits on the surface and underplays individuality
overplaying romance and romanticizing pain
don't let the darkness seep through your pale skin
don't let the hurt soak into your blood because it will taint your beloved purity
he loved the deeper parts of her small broken soul
he gave her the future, the house and the home
I don't know
who I need to be
to fulfill the ache that consumes me
to give him all that he needs
in a lover, a friend, a tempting woman with complicated reflections
on daily things that happen to me.
I'm here for free, but she's taking over me,
designing habits that I never could foresee
...