Here's something
You know you're truly messed up when you're self aware, but "too deep" as you tell yourself.

You're so deep that you can't even force yourself to feel bad.

You can't force yourself to care.

My worst fear is to be too afraid to look in the mirror.

And here I am shaking as I don't want to look in the light at my endless sins.

Still, I can't force myself to care just even a little bit to change.