At this moment in time
I am 28 years old.

I feel wild and young
And other times my face feels so weary.

I escaped for a little while
Back to Alabama
Sometimes going and licking your wounds
Is the best thing you can do.

He read into the lyrics
I laid down all the signs
It reminds me of how the past talked to me
And I just wonder
And whimper
When will someone fiercely pick me.

I feel envy
Over the women that seem to have found
Their men
How he dotes on them
He does not stray
Or so they say
And I hope not,
I want to believe that too.

I've been wading in the mulch, the swamp
I practiced speeches outloud
Trying to formulate how to try and
Keep myself from getting
Wounded, awkward.

Do you remember the night we
Drank tequila shots
I danced towards and away from you
Dancing became something we would often do
My favorite night was the night I caught you looking
Right at me across the room
But you wanted me to seem like your hot *****
When it was convenient for you.

I'll never forget
The way you looked
With the lights all hitting you
And the fact you chalked it all up to dust
I know break ups, they happen
But I thought for a moment
You were never gonna go.

We stopped growing together
You became immersed in your fear
We were either going to progress to the next level
As I sat across from you
Leaning in to try and make you feel
So comfortable
Not knowing in mere days
You'd change your mind.

And thats whats got me confused
Thats whats got me not wanting to try
That what makes me know
When you think on me
You feel shame.

I guess I sort of hoped
That we would move and dance
Alongside each other
There was something about you
That made me too,
Not want to let go.

Maybe it was our artistry
Maybe it was how we would meanly flirt
Though when I pushed back
You didn't catch it
You didn't want it
Because it made you internalize yourself.

A choir of angels sing
Yet again
Here is another
Unavailable man.

And I think well
It'll be a fun summer
But I fear the attachment
I know wells inside of my body
My mind.

I remember the moments
Where I held onto my guns
Singing and swinging
I want someone who wants all of me
A drug to you
And your existence
It is better if we behave
In nothing but silence.

I think about the months
That will inevitably pass by
I hope to work out and wade through my mulch
My swamp
Find inner peace, joy,
***, love.

Knowing I've got plans
I've got me
And the ability to no longer
Allow anyone access
To my own self worth.