I wish I could say what is going through my head right now
It is too much, so much
so much love, and gratefulness
I wanna hug the world and make out
I wanna kiss every living creature
and tell it how beautiful it is
I wanna scream and express the feeling of love
The feeling of excitement
The feeling of passion
I wanna cry and catch my tears
I wanna feed the world and cherish it with tenderness

But I can't

My mouth is blocked
my lips are sealed
my head is full
but my heart is damaged
I am scared
I am so scared
I am afraid of what will happen
what will happen
when I return to myself
If I let go of “what if” and taught behaviour
If I let go of needs, wants, demands, of longing
of pleasing
I am frightened of what will happen
when adrenalin turns into action
when my impenetrable walls turn into open doors
when my passion turns into education
I am timorous of what will happen
when I return to myself
Allow myself
Express myself

The eagerness inside
The kid behind restrictions
the softness
the peace
the love
the panic
open and vulnerable
defenceless and exposed
but buoyant and counting

on the good and the love

of

humanity



- AIL