made you a book of coupons
one good, for each day
"wash the car"
or "put the dishes away"

but we fought that morning
and i ran away, too
stayed out hiding
terrified of you

things were never the same
home replaced by a freshly mounted circus
whose starring act was me juggling your blame
and it wasn’t the same!
you can’t take love and turn it into a game!
you can’t lay your claim! and claim to love me all the same!  
    
because games cause accidents and accidents cause crashes and crashes come with smashes and
smashes caused the cracks in my glass world of safety to appear
no longer safe here

home where safety was no longer a guarantee
get your comfort by hugging your knee
no one who cares for you more than me

normalcy is chaos
when we’re out of practice

normalcy opens up roads to baseline,
just slightly above lifeline
when it feels more like the punchline
and I really wanna call a HOTLINE  

nothing felt like it did
the feelings in the objects and experiences around me suspended
all normalcy PRETENDED
tell everyone I’m alright!
as I sink in fight after fight after fight

I split into two  
terrified of me after I was terrified of you
sliding permanently out of my groove
couldn’t even tell ya my next move

nothing felt like it did
and so i took my book of coupons
and i hid it between a
book on growing up and a
book on being young

i hoped you wouldn't see it
and yet i hoped you would too

i hoped you would want to change
i hoped you would want us to be good again
that you'd take me up on my offer

I’d wash the car, I’d put the dishes away
and we can be a family again