Sometimes I think
I should just get it over with already
Ya know
Even if it doesn’t work
Maybe then they’ll all know
They’ll all see me
They’ll understand why.
Maybe then I can understand
Why anyone would be so cruel
Why anyone would want to hurt someone
What I did..
Maybe then I wouldn’t feel a hole in my chest
Or a rock in my gut
Or a clamp on my heart
Maybe I wouldn’t feel like someone is pushing all the air out of my lungs and all the water in my body up towards my eyes where it won’t stop spilling out
Like an endless ocean
Over endless people
Who I couldn’t help
Who I couldn’t trust
Who I couldn’t forgive
Who never really gave a ****
Maybe if I just tried it. Really tried it
Maybe if I’m unsuccessful they’ll at least let me leave
Give me a break
Let me heal from what they did
Maybe if I’m not successful
But almost
Maybe they’ll learn
Maybe they won’t do the same thing they’ve done before
Maybe if I just try
I can be worth something

My heart feels very painful and I’m afraid That soon I may give out
Where did he ever learn
To love so painfully