.and i'll begin as i usually begin, with a clarity of intent, namely? the ritual of at least two drinks of whiskey and, now, not as before, with ginger ale... then i'll start by cracking my fingers in numerous ways, before bribing them with some akin to what a fly does when it "washes" itself, that grand anticipatory gesture associated with malicious intent, with a blank ****** expression, eyes focusing on a fixed point, albeit not one that might be receeding, i'll sit down and...

i figured prayer wouldn't do much for me,
this, feeble mantra
                                     of sorts...
        i was taught how to pray,
  but i never learned: how to pray,
          a mere regurgitation is never enough,
no dogmatic god whistle in my ear,
sounding some impeding doom,
        only the little horrors of an everyday
life,
         strapped to the present,
with some expectations of a heroic past,
and an exponentially innovative future...
so if i can't pray...
                      and i won't pray...
will it take this mere soliloquy
                   to satiate my current needs?
well... no...
            i "think" i've come up with something
else...
   that old myth that drinkers drink
infront of the mirror...
                         i hate mirrors...
                 i never understood a barber
shop, to a lesser extent,
    i actually don't understand
          how people can just continually
gaze at themselves when strapped
                                  to a barber's chair...
to me the whole experience
is a worth about as much as a blink of
the eye when the barber has finished.
     today, i'll try something different...
i'll go, buy myself the whiskey,
the ginger ale,
             and hopefully,
                   a candle...
                  or two...
                             or three...
posit them in my room,
   and wait for the menace to appear...
              and then...
   in completely privacy...
                              i'll talk to my shadow,
at least he knows where he's going;
if this "god"
                     made into a noumenon aspect...
grand juror of all things
unfathomable...
                 i'll do likewise...
                       believe in him,
  not believe in him, love him, hate him,
   it's really beside the point right now...
   i'll just make sure i conjure up
       my companion and have a wee chat.