I seem to think of you

When my trauma wakes me up at 3 AM
Convincing me that the smell of your touch

Will bring me to me a euphoric ******
When all i can remember is the shrill sounds of your rage

With your phalanges around my throat in bouts of anger
Or ecstasy

Tricking my frontal cortex into thinking
That this is what security feels like

Where real love equates to immense suffering

And “i love you”
wreaks in self sacrifice

But that feels better than accepting

The silence of loneliness at night

Because you're not here for our

Emotional incontinence to rock

Each other to sleep