There was a time
A time within which my hair was shorter
My patience longer
And my desire to make it last
Tighter.

I danced among wolves there
Whistled in the thorns
Made friends with the trickles of blood
Flooding down my legs
Onto my ankles
Pinching up and down my thighs
Just hoping and waiting
Just baiting and flaking
Because you were what was there
At the time.

I coughed up glass
And syringes filled with pink powder
And surrendered to moments
Of wannabe bliss
Because you were what was there
At the time.

She seems to have found more aptitude
For your *******
Than I was willing
I remember the way your voice shook
When you called me on the phone
After I exclaimed I would never be her
I would never treat you like her
I would just be
Really gone.

I sage everywhere and everything
Moments of feeling so past it
For the darkness of pain to return
Like a fleet of starved seagulls
In a circle I threw them pieces of bread
Like I did as a child
Like I begged for you to see me
To treat me with love, respect
Even in the moments where you
Were at your most deceitful
Lost
Do you remember when we read poems to one another?

There is no reading of poems now
Not to you
My ink carries on
But not for you
Because you were what was there
For a time
And now you are no longer.