I feel you there in the place with electric trees.
You are playing games, making casseroles, and sometimes thinking about me.

I type the words and wonder if you're watching the dots bounce and then I retreat.
Backspace.
No, I can't. I need to leave you alone to heal.

I picture you in the tub.
Candle lit and octopus shadow cast on your ceiling.
I wonder if you ever sink down beneath the water to drown me out for just a moment.


For a moment I don't think about you. I am fine. And, then there you are.
A comment online not even directed my way.
Seen. Lingered over and then I scroll on.

I argue with myself and make bargians with the you in my imagination.
Would the real you be receptive?
Maybe?
But, we would just be kidding ourselves again.

Maybe we never should had started?
We knew the risk.
We discussed them all in detail.
We both stepped into this eyes wide open.

But, would I do it again?
Maybe.
Would you?
Maybe.

And, then I remember how you kiss me as if one of us is off to war.
How you smell me when you think I don't notice.
How, your blue eyes run hot when you are inside me.
And. I know I would.
I wouldn't give those moments away just because it hurts now.
I'd still chose you even if I knew I would be losing you soon after.

I'm either stupid or romantic.
Well, let's admit I am both.

Know this,
Every time I pass the electric trees
-for the rest of my years-
I will remember us there.
Moaning, laughing, snoring.