(This is the first installment of a two part piece; see next Together Again.)
He pins me down
his gaze binding me more than any straps
My eyes skitter away until
crack
A fissure spiderwebs across my shell
Slowly the cleaving begins
A dull burn
Picking at scabs and old hurts
Layers I've grown over myself
are peeled away at his words
"Who gave you this one?"
"Why did you let them?"
"Who are you?"
"What do you want?"
"Who do you want to be?"
"Why?"
"Why not?"
Raw
Vulnerable
I strain to look away, run away, anything
But he makes me look
His look makes me look
At my insides
The queer pulsing of my wants and hopes,
seem almost foreign,
it's been so long since we've been acquainted
The wounds I thought would never heal,
or had finally healed,
or have almost healed
And there they are again, exposed
The tears burn, and I try to look instead
Inside my mind
Turn it off
They don't still hurt
They never did
They never meant much
But still they ache
It's darker in there, inside my mind
and if I stare too long, the darkness will creep again
Can't hide within
Can't look without
And a whimper escapes my throat
as I yearn for a salve, and a salvation