I did end up writing that letter to Kristen Stewart
the letter that my sponsor said may not be a good idea to write

he said it escalated
my acting-out
by writing her

I can see what he's saying

it’s like writing to you
to write to her
wait (as if I’m KS)
I’m a little confused
if you love her
how can you love me?

my sponsor
my sponsor
wherefore - don’t forsake me on this one
you'd think he's my Lord and Master
God
or something

though if you should meet him
he'd talk some sense into you.

who am i kidding?
if push came to shove
I’d choose KS.

I mean c'mon
she’s a fractured heart

she is
vulnerable
and open
and takes my breath away
I die
For her

Maybe we like being held captive

the need to feel victimized
reigns supreme
in love poetry

like troubadours singing,
'a hey and a **, what about me'
'am I chopped liver, nonny, nonny?'

then, say I, alas like:

end this pain and stick a knife in me
so at least it will be the last honest feeling

(your eyes cutting deep into mine)

we feel.