confidence
something i do not possess
how do you say
i can do this
all i ever say is
you can never do this

how do you not
break
and beat
and tear
yourself down

never once
have i not
doubted myself
told myself that
i’m not good enough
that i will never be good enough

everyone tells me otherwise
they say that i’m
a good student
a good person
good at math
good at reading
good at sports

still, i don’t believe them

for years i’ve tried
to welcome the self esteem
to banish the self doubt
i try to build myself up
not break myself down

but still
how do you not
break
and beat
and tear
yourself down

maybe one day
i will instead
build
myself up
to impossible heights

one day i will touch the clouds
and reach the stars
one day i will be on top of the world
and i will shout
with a smile on my face
you know what?
i’m great!