I cant hold it in anymore
I feel like my heart will explode
i know you dont want to deal with me
it's time for me to go

i feel my body failing, giving up
as i hold on to my silver friend
I'm sorry it had to be this way
God wasnt with me in the end

if I don't start cutting it all away
I'm afraid that I'll finally have those words to say
"**** it, my time is done here"
and end my life today

the words "just let me rot" keep resonating in my head
you try to make me smile, "feel better" instead
but maybe that's Gods way,
of assuring me to cope
to get through all the words that have been said
how to survive myself,
maybe I just need to see the red.

Even if it's the last time, just once more
I cant feel any happiness knowing God might not ever let me through his door
but I understand where he comes from
I wouldn't let me in either
because, after all
I'm nothing but a sinner