Growing up as a child I was bullied
My heart was constantly stabbed with painful words
I never understood why
One day when I truly looked into the mirror everything made sense


In life there are things that you can never have no matter how hard you try
Physical beauty is the one thing I can never have
As a child I  always ran away from my reflection
The absolute absence of self love made it difficult to look
There are few things that I've hated in my life as much as I  hated myself
I am under no illusions
My face can never cause the heart of  someone s' daughter to quicken
or cause her knees to weaken
I find it hard to believe that I can ever be the object of someone s' lustful fantasies
I am ugly and that is no lie
It does not matter if you see the glass as being half full or half empty the verdict will always be the same
I can never run away from it
No amount of tears no amount of self hatred and no amount of  wistful fantasies of a life where I am not ugly can  ever change that



So what if I am ugly?
Should I stop living ?
Should I stop smiling?
Should I stop laughing ?
Why should my ugly stop me from being who I want to be ?
Should I isolate myself from the world?
Should I not allow myself to connect with others?
Should I allow myself to drown  an infinite ocean of self hatred and depression?
Should I ignore every good thing in my life because of my ugly?
Do I not need to allow myself to live despite my ugly?
No I will live
I will accept my ugly and carry on living
Do I not owe myself this much
Do I not deserve to be happy?
I refuse to be restricted by my ugly.