how much of a fatigued
    i
                  am i?
not being
instructed,
         instigated by,
not,
                   influenced by,
perhaps i drink
too little,
  perhaps i drink too much,...
perhaps i never learned
to be the *******...
perhaps i've met one psychopath
too many...
  perhaps all of these...
          perhaps i was unabashed
when citing
liking pop music...
     perhaps i just forgot
about being a ****...
  perhaps signing up
to high-school memory
extremes...
                       as shaping my life
of, what would certainly become:
a case of low-self-esteem...
go to a catholic high-school,
learn to don a uniform,
yes, no, no, yes?
           1990s pop-culture...
that's about me as: done...
  tiresome morality
of the lost lacklustre
                 of the demanding
frame of ****-joy activism...
perhaps i addressed all
the questions...
perhaps i felt *******
citing a further mea culpa...
perhaps the mental
lacerations to no end,
solved themselves....
      perhaps i solved
all the "curiosities"...
and had the surfacing groundwork
for: a lost inhibition...
perhaps all of opera
was all about
    crowded house:
weather with you...
rather than toto: africa...
i certainly drink too much,
but considering
the "sanity" of the sane majority?
no... no... no i'm not exactly
bound to finding conviction...
i drink too much,
but then:
the "sane" drink too little,
or rather, drink,
for all the wrong reaons...
why do they alway have
games to play-along with
when a bottle of whiskey
is being drank?

       losers.

happy now?
    so now you know what
it feels like...

   LOSERS... inventing
drinking games!
LOSERS!
   my guess, twice better:
****-wits.

        sober people are
too much, too little...
there's a part of me that should care,
right?
oh, there is?
i sometimes tend to
forget, and forget myself,
and myself myself
allow a spontaneity of
amnesia...
for the per se reasons...
  sober, serious people...

there is nothing sober,
or serious,
about your standards
of counter deviations...

                sure...
why wouldn't i be left
suspect...
   when it comes to making language
into some deviant utility...
as long as average Joe...
or Smithy O'Clara
will doll-up their purpose...
but it's fine if they
are allowed the "clarification"
of the platform...
and only "they" are allowed it...

****** Joe comes in shy...
and...
well...
                  as long as what
is governing restrictions...
i somehow missed the whole
thumbs down
"debacle"...
     maybe i was just polite
in the d.m. medium...
maybe i was being
hardly the attention-***** ****...

maybe what i settled
against a blank canvas...
i would never envision...
concerning the canvas
of another human being?
maybe i forgot to be
something,
that other people
became reminded of me,
in expectation of: being -
their "clarifying" suitor
of exacting blame?