i wonder about you at times like this

when another date falls through
when another text gets left on read

i wonder what would have happened if i swallowed my pride
if i had told you i loved you when i felt it
if i had stopped running scared
you laid it all out for me bare, but i left you staring at empty air

forgive me
for these scenes running through my head
running with our hands intertwined, your sleepy hair next to mine, the sound of your heartbeat when i close my eyes

all these things and you offered them with a smile and trusting hands

i left you there
because i was only ever taught to destroy
i don't know how to love something good anymore
i don't know how to be content with contentment