and the gears in my mind spin in congruent beat with the melody
that i have seen undressed before my eyes every time i hear it.
ask me,
i know every measure it has.
where it starts, repeats and ends,
and when it rests.
it is my favorite when it rests.
when it gradually becomes louder,
shouting, screaming beautiful words in harmony.
ask me,
i know it!
because i have sang it twenty-five consecutive times.
and that is from only today.
i have a bellyache
from digging deep,
very deep inside to find the voice you demand for,
the voice you demand for when you gesture my voice with your hands to come to you.
ask me,
i know it!
its ******- when the melody beautifully shouts.
rise.
louder.
hold it-
i also know them
the orchestra bands
that harmonizes an orchestral song of loud doubt that digs deep and leaves me without a voice.
dig deep,
dig deeper.
but the only thing that increases is my bellyache, not my voice.
ask me
i know it!
it causes my cold sweaty palms.
the constant shift of my weight as i stand in front of a mass- an ocean
and im drowning,
trying to shout- beautifully- for help.
ask me,
i know it
my inability to defy it,
as much as i want it,
it defines me as failure.
ask me
i know it….
better than I have known anything else.
it frightens me
because it displays confidence, resilience and growth.
it is nothing like me.
it is a tropical storm,
while I am a blizzard forming in the poles.
ask me
i know it.
but don’t ask me to sing,
because it will cause a tornado,
a storm.
sing.