thick like steel

these chains wrap in long miles of memories

around my screaming subconscious,

the sharp thorny barbs

of confusion and reflection

spearing my confidence and self esteem

til they bleed out over the cold floor-

leaving me empty inside.

I wish I trusted myself enough to stem to flow,

to stop the bleeding happiness

as it leaks out with all the other things-

but I wouldn't even know how,

that I will just sit here and watch as it floods the carpet

as my memories envelop me

replaying over and over in my head

clacking and clicking into place

like the wind on an old rickety fence-

the one that stands between me and madness.

I scrabble at the walls that cage me in,

determined to leave this wretched hell,

the one I created for myself,

so very long ago-

I WILL see the light again,

I WILL know the kiss of the sun again-

its only a matter of time til someone notices my torment

and comes to save me from myself.

I wish I could remember the times that were beautiful

the days that made me sway

like new saplings

in the capricious breezes of joy,

the moments that sang out with melodies

and harmonies

soothing the sad soul beneath;

but pain is all I can remember right now

and pain is all I reap-

and the only bright spark on the horizon

is the fluttering wings of hope-

the hope that you will save me,

because I can't save myself.