It was a long day.
It did not start well.
When the clock struck midnight, we were sitting in the cold, dark parking lot.
I remember looking st you when the lights from the field went out.
As the bulbs faded and the dark crept in I could see you better than before. I didn’t need to see your face to know what to say. I cried. We’ve both cried in your car. But never over something that hadn’t happened yet. I cried because I was scared. Part of me knew for a long time.
Part of me knew what would happen.
Both parts were scared.
I love you.
I said that. With tears running down my face, I rambled on. I didn’t know why or how I felt that way. Why I was bad for feeling that way. That I was bad for telling you. That it was wrong for me to love the one person who has cared enough about me to sit down and let me sob uncontrollably into your arm.
I know how uncomfortable I made you.
I still don’t know why you didn’t leave me then.
Instead you told me bluntly and straightforwardly, that you didn’t understand. I didn’t understand. I still don’t.  You
After all I’ve done to you
Held me.
You held me when all I wanted to do was to run away. You told me not to run away.
For the first time I decided to stay. I went to bed. So did you.
I woke up hating what I did more than before. You won’t let me apologize.
Why can’t I be sorry for loving you
I don’t want to love you.
My best friend. I’m sorry.
I ran to you again.
I ended up in your arms again.
The only place I want to be.
The place I know I shouldn’t be.
We left. You took us away.
We drove for hours.
Now I’m facing my problems head on.
I can’t run away now.
I want to be in your arms again now.
I love you
I hate that I do.
I’m sorry