My teeth are smiling back at me
From a glass beside the bed
I wonder "Do they look that bad"
"When they're positioned in my head?"

They looked all kind of cloudy
***** brown, and green
I think I need to change the way
I make my teeth get clean

Right now I use polident
To make my choppers shine
But, if this is the way that they turn out
I'm embarrassed that they're mine

I took them out and washed them off
I stuck them in a glass of bleach
I thought, "This will make them whitey white"
The colours will all leech

Out of my clean choppers
And will brighten up my smile
Then you'll see me from afar
Well, at least a half a mile

I left them for two hours
and they came out brown and green
I thought, they look no better now
They look totally obscene

I even took to painting them
A glorious shade of white
I left them on my workbench
To dry and harden overnight

They still look brown and greeny
Like they were buried in the yard
I swear, I've never had a thing
That's made me work so hard

I cannot put them in my mouth
with out cleaning off the crud
It's looks like I am smiling
With a mouth that's full of mud

I took a pad of wire wool
And scrubbed them like you do
They didn't get much brighter
But, now at least...they're blue

I went down to the chemists
To get something for my teeth
I needed something powerful
To relieve me of my grief

The chemist said "please shut your mouth"
"You're scaring all who passes"
"Your teeth are oh so snowy white"
"The dirt is on your glasses!!"