I would rather drown in this
Than pretend it doesn’t hurt
To hear you say that you don’t want me
In not so many words,
But I guess I’m more embarrassed
Than I am heartbroken
Because I really believed someone
Would want to pry me open
And see me
And love me
And find a life worth living
But I guess when I evaluated
Myself I was too forgiving
And I didn’t try to account
For some of the faults I know I possess
Instead I let them pass, gave myself a brief recess
When I should’ve cracked down harder
When I should’ve seen the signs
Instead of letting myself believe
Letting my heart call you mine
And now I want to curl in bed
And hold onto the pain
A not so gentle reminder
For my love-worn brain
That feelings only hurt
And that no one will ever try
So I really need my heart
To stop trying to ask me why
And stop reaching out to people
Who will never reach back
And that I really need to stop
Trying to cut myself so much slack
I’m so naive sometimes
So sensitive to others words
That when I think I hear affection
I find later that I misheard
And I was wrong about the direction
Our thoughts seemed to be flowing
But now that flow has stopped
And I have no idea where I’m going
Where I start, where I end
Where the emptiness begins
And I’ve started to think maybe
I should let the shadows win
Because they’ll take away the pain
And the hurt and the regret
Maybe I’ll be free/if only I can forget.