i nearly slip
climbing into my bed
my fingers grasp blindly for a cigarette
hidden somewhere
in the linen.
i feel my lungs shatter over and
again as i try to breathe
through my crying.
lone flies escape through the
cracks
how many times have i looked up
here? i think not enough
to be blind from the pain within me now
the ant crawls right up to the largest crack
sticking its little legs in
its tentative
this is a part of the world
it has forgotten that it knows
i imagine the ant is thinking
how he must decide
whether to stay on the plaster
or insert himself into the darkness.
i imagine myself as him too
whirling around
clinging to these pieces of my
life
i've known awhile now
my decision
so i take a last drag of my cigarette
put it out on my leg
a last time, near victorious
and insert myself
free and falling upwards
into the dark.