Jan 2013
To Whom It May Concern:
If I've learned anything from this, it would have been my fascination. So easily I become consumed and entranced by those that seem to appear within perfect timing. I manipulate my mind into believing in fairy tales, but ever so often I am reminded that this is Wisconsin. I am not a princess that will one day be whisked into a happily ever after, or so life leads me to believe.
Unlike a happily ever after, my story continues. No sequel to be written, I stumble through trying to regain what is left of this. The problem is that I continue. The easy way out is to stop before things get too deep, but by the time you realize the depth you've created, your heart won't leave as easily.
If someone asked me 9 months from now if I regretted anything I'd say yes. Yes, I do regret many things. I regret showing weakness that is my constant return. My heart was always more afraid of recovering, my mind feared my sanity. I regret the vulnerability I gave, the secrets I admitted, the loyalty, the passion, my smiles. I regret allowing myself recovery then continuously bringing myself back to the same point.
For a person to give up on you while you still are head over heels hurts. Your pride goes. The second time around, I sit in the exact same position asking myself how I let this happen again. To know that the person you love is giving up on you for someone else hurts the pride more. Knowing that at the end of the day you weren't the person they wanted vulnerability, secrets, loyalty, passion, or smiles from. You came second, and it would forever remain that way.
I was in a relationship with myself maybe. Somewhere along the line I became too bold and asked you to join. I believed things were as you said, but slowly I saw them for what they really were. I fell in love with the lie, but everything I gave was real. So many poems and smiles you've inspired.
If I've learned anything from this, it would have been my fascination. So easily I become consumed and entranced by those that seem to appear within perfect timing. I manipulate my mind into believing in fairy tales, but ever so often I am reminded that this is Wisconsin. I am not a princess that will one day be whisked into a happily ever after, or so life leads me to believe.
Unlike a happily ever after, my story continues. No sequel to be written, I stumble through trying to regain what is left of this. The problem is that I continue. The easy way out is to stop before things get too deep, but by the time you realize the depth you've created, your heart won't leave as easily.
If someone asked me 9 months from now if I regretted anything I'd say yes. Yes, I do regret many things. I regret showing weakness that is my constant return. My heart was always more afraid of recovering, my mind feared my sanity. I regret the vulnerability I gave, the secrets I admitted, the loyalty, the passion, my smiles. I regret allowing myself recovery then continuously bringing myself back to the same point.
For a person to give up on you while you still are head over heels hurts. Your pride goes. The second time around, I sit in the exact same position asking myself how I let this happen again. To know that the person you love is giving up on you for someone else hurts the pride more. Knowing that at the end of the day you weren't the person they wanted vulnerability, secrets, loyalty, passion, or smiles from. You came second, and it would forever remain that way.
I was in a relationship with myself maybe. Somewhere along the line I became too bold and asked you to join. I believed things were as you said, but slowly I saw them for what they really were. I fell in love with the lie, but everything I gave was real. So many poems and smiles you've inspired.
