I don’t really know what to think anymore. I feel lost and confused and like I am never going to be happy again. I just have this feeling that everything I do or even try to do backfires and blows up in my face. Every time that I have the smallest chance to even talk to someone but the thought of you keeps me from getting anywhere close to saying “Hi”.  The fact that I miss you still hurts. I know what happened between us and I can’t put you through that again much less myself.  I need to move on. I have love for a lot of people and things but the one thing that I can’t love is myself. But to be honest I really don’t care about not loving myself. I would prefer to make someone happy and help them fix all their problems and take all their pain, so they don’t have any. And that’s the one thing I hate about myself. Making other people happy and making sure the ones I love are doing okay and are happy. And if that means sacrificing my happiness then I guess I’m okay with it. I wish I could take your pain so you wouldn’t have to feel it anymore I would in a heartbeat.