I keep wondering what left. Left your disembodied mind and what was its held in your last breath

because underneath all the blue and yellow and purple Cuts bruises and scars I find myself thinking of you trying to remember you I find myself  wondering if I could stop you I find myself filled of guilt

wishing I could turn back time or just end time

because what if
That little game your mind plays on you over and over again not knowing if it's true or not and that game that stupid little game leaving you breathless and scared

your lips were purple your skin was pale and colorless your face and fingers were ice-cold

I sat trying to hold to you trying to cling to your lifeless body and then I think back to when you said
I'm good
I'm okay
I'm fine

and I think why didn't I help you why didn't I understand

but I just turned the other way I walked away thinking someone else might help
but there was only me and I left you to drown like I gave you the knife or the rope or the gun or the pills and then walked away

I might as well giving you a ******* note stating **** yourself who the hell is going to care because nobody cares so ******* do it and then you did


so what's next nothing will go back to normal so we might as well join maybe someone you knew will give me the rope or the knife or the pills or a gun

But I'll see you on the other side where I might finally long it'll just be me and my bones no skin no blood not even a mind nothing to hurt me
where my guilt will finally be erased where I won't need to hide where I won't need to be fixed because I will already be perfect

gone and always forgotten