Feb 2019
"Don't catch yourself on fire to keep another person warm."
Your voice, sharp like the match that struck
Setting me ablaze the day that we drove
Away from my own personal hell.
You rescued me.
So what was I supposed to do,
Starve myself of oxygen
As I let you breathe every semblance
Of new life in to me?
No. But I burned up so quickly.
Damaged people loving damaged people,
Both you nor I could anticipate the way
That we would let our insecurities tear us apart
Not you, not me, only what they did to us.
"Maybe in another time, another place.."
When you packed your things and left me
For the sunshine of California
Where I knew you would help so many other things spark.
But not me.
Left behind with a mouth full of soot
Choking on the pain of going on without you
I gave you everything that was left of me
All so you could chase your dreams
I never asked to be repaid
A small sacrifice for the fire you set
That willed me to live again in the first place
Just hoped that one day you would still speak of me
After all of the ashes were swept away by the high tide of my
Spilling of guts, hoping you still cared
Hoping you would come back like you said, to make sure I was okay.
"We'll still be the best of friends, who knows what the future holds."
A promise and a gift, both broken the day you drove away from Apt D416
I heard you are married now.
I am not angry that you found happiness.
Nor am I sad. My care for you remains,
Distant as a memory
In articles and photographs about such a fire, forever marked in history
But what if it wasn't? 2 years, gone.
All of our existence simply burnt up in it
Your memory of me, instead filed away with the 'things I can't speak on' with the new flame
And me.. I am empty
Because of all the things you taught me
It was never how to water myself so I
Could grow through the ruins that remain
I won't be bitter that you have everything
That I laid our foundation for
At least one of us learned to rebuild
After such a devastation
I've just had a hard time learning to accept
That withering of being erased.
Your voice, sharp like the match that struck
Setting me ablaze the day that we drove
Away from my own personal hell.
You rescued me.
So what was I supposed to do,
Starve myself of oxygen
As I let you breathe every semblance
Of new life in to me?
No. But I burned up so quickly.
Damaged people loving damaged people,
Both you nor I could anticipate the way
That we would let our insecurities tear us apart
Not you, not me, only what they did to us.
"Maybe in another time, another place.."
When you packed your things and left me
For the sunshine of California
Where I knew you would help so many other things spark.
But not me.
Left behind with a mouth full of soot
Choking on the pain of going on without you
I gave you everything that was left of me
All so you could chase your dreams
I never asked to be repaid
A small sacrifice for the fire you set
That willed me to live again in the first place
Just hoped that one day you would still speak of me
After all of the ashes were swept away by the high tide of my
Spilling of guts, hoping you still cared
Hoping you would come back like you said, to make sure I was okay.
"We'll still be the best of friends, who knows what the future holds."
A promise and a gift, both broken the day you drove away from Apt D416
I heard you are married now.
I am not angry that you found happiness.
Nor am I sad. My care for you remains,
Distant as a memory
In articles and photographs about such a fire, forever marked in history
But what if it wasn't? 2 years, gone.
All of our existence simply burnt up in it
Your memory of me, instead filed away with the 'things I can't speak on' with the new flame
And me.. I am empty
Because of all the things you taught me
It was never how to water myself so I
Could grow through the ruins that remain
I won't be bitter that you have everything
That I laid our foundation for
At least one of us learned to rebuild
After such a devastation
I've just had a hard time learning to accept
That withering of being erased.
My perception/reaction upon finding out my ex has married. I'm happy for him. Just hard to process. He helped me leave a prior abusive relationship and there was a time I thought I couldn't live without him. I can, and have. The poem is about the feeling of being forgotten or like you had no real impact on someone.
