air can no longer reach my lips
as i try to remind myself
what it’s like to be in love

i can’t remember what it feels like
to have kisses down your neck
or to exchange loving smiles
with someone you want to spend
every waking hour with
unable to withstand
the ache of being apart

so i cut off my oxygen
hoping it will remind me
of the feeling
of my breath catching
as we locked eyes

i am depriving myself
of the air i need to survive
to finally remind me
of the pain you caused
choking the life out of me
that i interpreted as love

but now i realize
that was never really love
i never had the moments
of loving smiles
and kisses on cheeks
i crave so deeply

so i don’t know why
i keep searching
hurting myself
trying to find something
i never will

knowing i’m looking for
memories of nothing
just dreams
created by my mind
to save me the pain
of never really living them

--- (i’m so sick of this) fake love