i live my life strung off anti anxiety meds just to get by
i live life on the edge
not risk taking
just on the edge
always on the edge always on the edge of letting go
not sure of what i’m letting go of i just know i want to let go
i wish
i wish i wasnt who i am mentally
i wish
i wish
i wish i didn’t live my life full of hallow fears that stop me from moving on to better highlights of happiness
im stuck in my ways
the mirror doesnt fulfill
it doesnt fulfill what i want
it doesnt give me what i want
nothing gives me what i want
i search for myself in empty promises
someone to hold on to when my days are dark
they all show me that i shouldnt look for happiness in others
sadly i cant find it within
within i, i find resentment
resentment because im not who i used to be
i was always scared of change but never was i scared to take a chance
now i second guess my every move
but give my all those who ask
give my heart only from a glance
where my heart on my sleeve and hand it over to who asks
i dont second guess that
im looking for acceptance in whoever offers the best price
im looking for acceptance
someone to look me in my eyes
not someone who i have to sell my soul to just to be forgotten after they blink and realize im not who they want in theyre life
im not like every other girl
im full of fear and regret
im full and anxiety im scared of being left
im scared of losing hope i gave it all to the man upstairs
i wonder if he believes in me
i wonder if he knows im scared
i dont want to grow up i want to be 20 forever
i dont want to grow up i want to be 16
i dont want to grow up i want to be 11
i dont want to grow up
i cant imagine being alone without someone to hold my hand
i cant be guided by the lost forever
i cant be guided
im trying im making that clear
im taking steps to clear the smoke
ive made a mess of myself a few times now im holding it in
the mess is my own
i wont tell anyone how i feel
it doesnt make sense to even myself
if i tell anyone they wont understand
and explaning it will just fill me with doubt
i walk around with a rain absorbed cloud on my head
when the sun goes down it pours
i think alot in the night
when the sun comes up my mask goes on
i cant have anyone knowing i feel alone
i dont make it obvious i dont think
i wont dare to tell a soul
i lay myself open
read me like a book
just dont ask questions
i wont tell the truth
i cant tell a soul that im broken
i feel everything
even when i shouldnt
even time someone leaves it hits like a bullet
leaves a scar