There is a sadness that I am still sorting through
As the winds become colder
The snow, the ice grows stronger
And I feel the weight of your absence longer.

I do realize now
That I put myself through so much
To try and maintain whatever it was we had
The casualness of the love.

You weren't even able to meet me halfway
Love was only on sight, when it worked for you
But I can still taste and feel your lips
If I close my eyes
Your desire always leading the way.

I bought some bright orange earrings today
Thinking as I fell asleep last night
That I'd wear them with my mermaid dress
When I radiate, balance off sun beams
Like a mermaid of prisms.

I thought a lot about your silence
And how you said you needed a break
I portrayed and I portrayed
And I portrayed
Until you grew silent.

I wonder if you will meet me with a response
I wonder if you will raise a white flag
I wonder if you will ever admit to yourself
That in there, deep inside
You did love.

I deserve someone
Who is a little bit obsessed with me
I've been feeling less drive, motivation
And been craving instant gratification
Since you stepped away.

Your sweetness, I still remember it
It was there and then it was gone so quickly
But surely
You saw through my steps away
Through my moments of giving so much
Only to then retreat
I could only play cat and mouse
With you
And for you
For so long.

I wonder now how and if you blame me
With your cameras
Your gear
And your quiet and constant fear
Of giving you
Yourself away.

I've always demanded it
Right at the start
Perhaps we would have been better off just friends
But its true
You would gaze at me for a little too long
And my body would naturally
Lean into you.

You are gone
And I am too
Though this city is large
The circle we swim in
I see through it well
My heart hurts

I know yours does too.