The second time around
I played a song that made me feel everything
As I was already, my mind drenched in the soot
Of things I'll never really understand
But seeing it from a distance
Just like I did me during that time
Just like I did and had to
To sustain our love.

I compared what we had
To me riding a pony
Until I had to sling myself off.

I tried it on
I donned the sweater
Until it frayed and split into pieces
All while I was wearing it
But wow, I wore the **** out of that sweater.

I've been trying to discover
What it is about you that will make me feel at peace
But no amount of imagining
Or trying to summon you into speaking
Truth, love, peace
Desire even
Will ease it
Or make it happen.

I think it's all shown me that I'm a lot more open
Than I think I knew
And after a winter of experimenting in a major way
I think I felt capable to take it on
But everything was covered in dust and gruel
Everything was already so distraught
Lonesome
And I embarked into it with you
Because you made me think it might be worth my while.

Maybe it was.
I'm not sure why or why not yet
What I built with you felt like knocking down walls
But with the tumble
Was chaos
And a massive lack of reassurance
Because the power of the tumble
Still meant that it all had to be rebuilt.

So I guess that's where it all really leads to now.

Nothing could be rebuilt
Created stronger, more able
You cannot love a man
Who has the intention not to love.

And that's the phrase
I hope is tattooed to the crevices of your hand
Into your eyelids
Into the sides of your skull
So that any other young girl
May heed that warning.

You said you have much self discovery to do
I am a prized weapon
A prized reward
A legend among women
A goddess among the divine
A queen on a throne
And I don't doubt you didn't know it

But you crumbled and toppled down
Much like the walls
Much like the foundation


So my court, we left the abandoned rubble

And now we are building our castle
Into the sky
Onto the sturdy earth
In the coming water
And in the licking and welcoming
Flames of fire.