Asked my daddy when I was thirteen
"Daddy, can you tell me what love really means?"
His eyes went glassy, not a word was said
He poured another beer and his face turned red

Asked my mother, she acted the same
She never looked up, she seemed so ashamed
Asked my teacher, he reached for the cane
He said don't mention that subject again

My big brother told me when I was fourteen
It's time I showed you what love really means
Girls like kissing and romance too
But a boy's got to know what a man's got to do

He gave me a book, the cover was plain
Written by a doctor with a German name
It had glossy pictures, serious stuff
I read it seven times, then I knew it well enough

I read it in a magazine
(Read about love)
Cosmo and Seventeen
(Read about love)
in the back of a Hustler, Hustler, Hustler

So now I know what makes girls sigh
And now I know why girls cry
So don't tell me I don't understand
What makes a woman and what makes a man
I've never been to heaven
But at least I've read about love

And now I've got you
(Read about love)
Where I want you
(Read about love)
I got you on my test bed, test bed, test bed

So why don't you moan and sigh?
And why do you sit there and cry?
I do everything I'm supposed to do
If something's wrong then it's must be you

Well, well, well
When I touch you there it's supposed to feel nice
That's what they said in the reader's advice
I've never been to heaven
But at least I've read about love